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(Yeah, we’re gonna waste your time with stupid emails, but you’re not doing anything important anyway, so who gives a fuck?)

Get Your Ass On Our Mailing List
And Dick-Punch COVID-19

Let’s face it—we’re all locked down at home, bored out of our goddamn skulls, trying not to eat each other’s faces off.

But as desperate as we are to get away from the annoying fuckwits we’re trapped at home with, if we venture outside the coronavirus will spread and—according to the CDC—unleash a zombie apocalypse.

So, we’re doing our part to help everyone stay put by releasing Season 1 of the Civilian Fuck Monkey blog, the gold-standard in stay-at-home entertainment.

Each weekly episode follows me and Kevin on our mission to save the goddamn motherfucking planet. It’s full of intrigue, adventure, drama, and puppies. And like all the truly great stories throughout history, it’s all 100% true.

7 Of The 83 Reasons To Join The List

You’ll be the first to know when we:

  • Release new episodes
  • Host live events
  • Open our merch store
  • Open up CFM Nation membership in June!
  • And other fucking awesome stuff (Don’t blab this, but there could be a CFM podcast and maybe a YouTube channel in the not-too-distant future. )

2 shameless bribes…

  • A *limited edition .jpeg of me and Kevin (delivered instantly to your in-box)
  • A free month of CFM Nation membership (Includes bonus material and other righteous shit. Coming this Summer!)


Just by joining our list you’ll sleep like a baby gorilla knowing you’re doing your part to save the planet.  Nice!

So, get your ass on our list!  After all, what could go wrong?

Jimmy Merle
Founder CEO, Thought Leader
The CFM Nation

*limited to the number of people we can get to join our fucking list.